Did you know you can make a nuclear fusion device at home?
All you need are a few household items, a little bit of patience, and a Class 1 Top Security clearance for the manufacture of biological, chemical or nuclear weapons under the Fermi laws of 1954 contingent to permission from the United Nations Security Council. Because we wouldn’t want to do anything illegal now would we ;)
You’re gonna need-
- A box of matches
- A blender
- Tape
- Some wire mesh (Like a window screen, for sifting)
- Cake mix (Yellow sponge cake works best)
- Ziplock bags
- String
- Ice cubes (The cold kind, not the rapper/actor)
- A toilet paper tube
- A Catholic Missal
- An empty kitty litter bucket
First, you’re gonna need two rare substances- Weapons grade uranium and “heavy” water. Luckily these are easy to make (unless you’re Iran lol). For the uranium, just take your yellow cake mix and sift it with the wire mesh. Whatever stays on top of the mesh- That’s weapons grade. For the heavy water, take some ice cubes, which are heavier than water but still made of water, and put them in the blender. By breaking up the ice cubes and releasing the water, you keep the weight but make it a fluid. This is a process that scientists call “Putrefaction”.
To build the weapon, pack some uranium into one end of the toilet paper tube and then cover that end with the Catholic Missal. This guarantees what we call a “Critical Mass” of uranium. Then take a smaller wad of uranium and pack it into the other end of the tube, leaving plenty of space between the two.
Tape the box of matches to that end of the tube. It will act as an explosive device to send the “bullet” of uranium into the critical mass, thus resulting in a nuclear fission explosion.
You now have a nuclear fission device! Like the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima, this device has a yield equal to about 10 thousand tons of T.N.T! But fission is for wimps, right? So let’s turn that fission bomb, into a fusion bomb!
Tape your string to the matches to act as a fuse, and then put the nuclear warhead in a ziplock bag. Be sure to seal it tight!!! Now place that assembly into the kitty litter bucket. Make sure it’s empty of kitty litter before the next step.
Fill the rest of the bucket with the heavy water you made in step one, and seal the top of the kitty litter bucket with the string still poking out. Once the fuse is lit, it will light the matches and detonate the nuclear fission bomb. This acts as a heat source to boil the heavy water, and when heavy water boils- Nuclear Fusion!
Congratulations, your bomb is now complete. Remember that it’s illegal to carry or detonate a nuclear fusion warhead in public (except in Texas, it’s fine there), and bear in mind this will be quite a bit stronger than your usual firecrackers. We recommend only setting off your nuclear device on official U.S. testing grounds, such as the desserts of New Mexico or islands in the Pacific only populated by tribes under no country’s protection.
So play safe and have a good time,
This is actually genius
bipolarfairy replied to your photo: Go Bruins () ()
YOUR SHORTS ARE AMAZING. OMG.
OMG RIGHT??! I TREATED MYSELF BY GETTING THEM TODAY AND IT WAS LEGIT THE BEST DECISION I’VE MADE IN WEEKS, MAYBE MONTHS.
funnels-launch replied to your photo: Go Bruins () ()
i love that you look like youre yelling EY! in like every picture you take
It’s my secret. I actually do yell “ey”. It gives me my magic powers.
considering making an okcupid account just to see what i get for enemies
