It’s too expensive to be trans.

Some times feel like I fail at being trans because I would much rather spend what little excess money I have on things like alcohol and cigarettes instead of things that would be helpful in at the very least socially transitioning. Like I don’t buy things that would help me pass, and there’s no way my body would allow me to pass on a regular basis, so therefore I don’t even try to pass like 98% of the time. I don’t try to pass so I don’t tell people about my pronouns or call myself a male name. 

Basically,

I just feel like

I’m a drug addict first, trans man after.

Actually, in reality, it’s more like sickly cripple first, drug addict as a result, trans man is not an immediately life threatening issue and I’m too drunk to care about anything at all usually.

So I guess my conclusion is I’m too sick to be trans. Obviously, I’ll always be trans, I’ll just probably never transition at all. Or at least for the time being, transitioning really isn’t an option at all.